What they don't tell you

In browsing various pregnancy forums, I have learned one main thing. There are a lot of dumb as shit women out there. (no, riding a bike will not "give you an abortion". Yes, your baby is alive even though it is not breathing air while it is inside you). My friend Jules and I have had numerous (drunken, sitting by the pool) converstaions trying to decide if people are really just that stupid, or if we are just that smart. Because lets face it, everywhere you go, someone is always making you wonder how they manage to function. And apparently, pregnancy bring the morons out of the woodwork. Gives a bad name to pregnant women and moms, if you ask me.

But aside from being shocked at peoples' intelligence levels, I am almost more shocked about all of the "OMG I DIDNT KNOW THIS WOULD HAPPEN" comments you see. Yes, being pregnant makes you fat. Yes, being pregnant makes your skin freak out. Yes, being pregnant makes you moody. Yes, being pregnant makes you tired. Yes, being pregnant makes you constipated. Yes, being pregnant can make hair grow on your stomach. Yes, the baby has to come out of THERE. No, your husand does not give two shits about what kind of bottles you register for. Seriously, do you people not have friends, or mothers? Because, uh, if you have ever met anyone who has been pregnant, you have heard all of this stuff.

The thing that nobody ever really tells you though, is that being pregnant is boring. There just isnt much going on. Every day at least one person asks me how I'm feeling or how things are going, and I usually answer with "fine", and they keep looking at me expectantly like I am going to have something to add. I dont know what people want me to say. "Oh I'm doing great, peed 6 times between the time I got to work and lunch, my belly is getting strangely fuzzy, got winded walking up the stairs last night, and I officially can't button any of my pants". Do they want to hear that? Probably not. Just like when they ask how a race went, they dont want to hear "well I pissed myself at mile 12, had to make an emergency stop at a port-a-john at mile 16 so I wouldnt shit my pants, and had a blood blister pop at mile 22". It's just stuff that nobody wants to know.

Speaking of marathons, I actually got a little teary eyed when I got the notification the other day that Chicago has filled up for this year. Yes, I'm thrilled to be pregnant, and duh, I didnt expect to be running a marathon a month after I have the kid, and yes, it will still be there next year. But after I did it last year, I sort of got it in my head that I was going to do it again this year. So it just made me a little sad thinking about not doing it.

Thats another thing that nobody tells you about being pregnant; that you will start to feel like you are missing out on stuff, and that it's NORMAL. But nobody ever tells you that, because, well, I dont know why. You're just sent the message that you are supposed to be 100% overjoyed about the prospect of being pregnant and having a kid, and any thought otherwise means that you are going to be a shitty shitty parent. So then when you DO start feeling kind of bummed about not being able to do this or that, you start feeling totally guilty for thinking that way in the first place. But, everybody says that being a parent means that you are in for a lifetime of feeling guilty about SOMETHING, so I guess this is a good start!

And on the topic of missing out on things, the other day I was thinking about the fact that summer is fast approaching, and that we live close to the Prairie Village pool. What's nice about that? They have an adults only pool! Yeah! We can go there and avoid all the kids at our neighborhood pool, and sneak in booze in plastic water bottles! For a minute there I honestly forgot that a) there will be no laying by the pool getting drunk for me this summer, and b) from here on out I am going to be one of THOSE people who takes their kid to the pool. Woah, man. Reality check.

16w4d