Thursday, November 20, 2008

To the peeps at my gym

I'm taking my cue from Robyn on this one. I'm no trainer, and I'm no expert, but now that I've been back in the gym regularly for a bit now I have GOT to comment on some of this stuff.

Back Hair Dude: No. Please, dont wear a wife beater to the gym. Ever. Or anywhere else in public. Because it just makes me want to avoid any piece of equipment that your back hair has been touching. Actually, you probably shouldnt wear it in your house either, because someone might see through the window or come to the door. Now, I realize that MOST guys have some back hair. That is fine. But when it's black and curly and crawls up your neck and down your arms...thats where I (and most other ladies) draw the line.

High School Kids: This is not the mall. Or wherever else you all like to hang out these days. To the girls, running around in ass shorts giggling and trying to do I dont know WHAT that was with a bar that weighs more than you do, is not cute. You're likely to break your damn necks that way. And to the boys, uh, I know you're trying to impress the little twits, but you cannot do curls with 50 lb weights. My arms are actually bigger than yours, so yeah.

Asian Guy: I'm sorry I laughed. But it was too damn funny watching you jump up trying to grab on to the pull up bar. You're 4'6", get a step!

Asian Guy's Wife: Do you understand the concept of personal space? Because standing a foot away from me while I'm lifting is getting in my personal space. Do I need to draw a bubble around myself? Please step off.

MILF: I get it. You're skinny and you've got big fake knockers. That you like to show off. You look pretty good for 50. I'll give you that. But seriously, learn to put stuff away after you're done. I dont like having to unload the Smith machine after you get done with it (even though you were doing squats with 10 lb weights, what!? I use more that that for calf raises), and I dont like tripping and nearly killing myself becaue you left some weights on the floor next to the bench. I'm also sure that the dude you were flirting with was NOT your husband, and I really dont care, but please try to not fake laugh so loud. If I can hear you over my headphones, it's too loud. You're just making yourself look ridiculous.

And to the moms who bring their little kids into the gym: STOP! There is a mf-ing daycare provided!!! I do NOT need your kids running around screaming and bumping into me while I'm trying to work out. I dont appreciate them playing with the equipment that I'm needing to use, and then getting dirty looks from you when I ask if they could move. Keep them in check. Better yet, keep them OUT of the gym. Kthx.

4 comments:

Stacey said...

A-fecking-men! I saw some of the high school chicks tonight. Oh wait, actually all I saw was their ass hanging out of their shorts.

Courtney Crutcher said...

You're definitely back. Thank God.

Courtney Crutcher said...

ps, I just saw that I need to change my name on my blog but I dont know how. daammmit.

Anonymous said...

Julie, please post pictures of these women with the big fake cans.

Thank you,

TimG